hi it’s monday
i got a 92 on my history midterm FUCK YEAH
um & uh
i think i making an informed decision to try my hardest to put my weight loss obsession on hold, at least until all this goddamn SAT/ACT/AP bullshit is over…. there’s just tooooo much to do & it’s tooo important to risk fucking it up with improper nutrition or exhaustion or hospital visits or anything like that. so yeah.
HUNGER GAMES
SO GOOD
walked 7 miles
so sore
i like hayley. and some of her friends
i really don’t want to be single anymore
someone help me not hate myself ugh
THURSDAY
HUNGER GAMES. TOMORROW. [secretly] SO EXCITED. spent over an hour cleaning my room. i weigh 147lbs. garbage in like 17 days holy fuuuuck so excited iqbhksadwahosu. i think i might be able to do it. if i exercise as much as i have been, and eat as little, then i might be able to lose 7 pounds. holyfuckletsdothis.!.!.
wednesday
didn’t eat anything. went for a run. and walked an hour. and did my regimen at night. burned 775c. finally did the library orientation thing, i was the only one and it was awkward. saw zoe at the library. ordered a (free) photobook of my best stuff!
monday
final was easy. blackmailed my parents into buying me all sorts of junk food (‘cause they went through my stuff, found my razor blades, and took them. fucking iwuksjbads.) and i literally stufffed myself and smoked weed all dayyyy. #lolmylife
okay i figured it out. i only work exceptionally (or even decently) well when i have one, specific goal in mind. if i am not driven by something huge, i am completely unmotivated.
GOOD TO KNOW.
brb setting all sorts of goals.
general/all-around goal of the moment:
-lose weight before concert/trip
long(er) term:
-stay healthy (healthy weight, plenty of exercise
-get into one of your ideal colleges
okay. i will elaborate when i have studied for my history midterm.
give me one reason to do anything but cry.
i just hurt so goddamn much
i have nothing
i
have
nothing.
picking up erica soon. i am so ready for everything that is coming my way, i swear. i can handle it. i will lose weight in a healthy, responsible way, finish my work, get into a good college, get a girlfriend… i will be okay ruiwqds;ak.
LOL JK I’M AN ABSOLUTE MESS
saint patty’s day (night) plans involve:
-food
-more crying
-alcohol
-marijuana
-cutting
-terrible reality televison
-more alcohol
-rain + nudity
and end with:
-lots and lots of laxatives
so sad, and cold, and here alone,
i think i’m frozen through to my bones.
if i get canceled on one more time i might actually kill myself
GO THE FUCK TO BED SO THAT I CAN RUN UNTIL MY LEGS FALL OFF
thuh thuh thuh THURSDAY
I’M SEEING REAL LIVE HUMAN PEOPLE TOMORROW WOW?!
nuthin’ much. i will lose 10 lbs before the garbage concert. I WILL.
